NagMummy

Finally got time to pen some thoughts. It’s been a hectic month for our family, trying to adjust our daily routine to accommodate my move back to the workforce. Contrary to what many think, the move has impacted Matt most among the three of us.

M is pretty well settled in full-day care so she is in fact the least affected. Apart from being picked up later from school in the evenings, her daily routine hasn’t changed very much. Well, she cried a fair bit in the first week when she woke up in the mornings to find that mummy had already left for work but she got used to it fairly quickly.

As for me, it has been surprising easy except for trying to stay awake the whole day (no more afternoon naps!). LOL. Being in a new job in a new industry has definitely energised me in a some ways. Due my absence from home, Matt has had to step in to handle most of M’s daily routine and the household chores.

And hence he’s been complaining about the ‘hardship’ he’s going through. Well, I wish I could help out more but the hours I’m away really does not allow me to do so. We’re exploring options to lighten Matt’s responsibilities, including hiring a domestic helper.

So, people have been asking if I’ve been missing M now that I’m working full-time. The answer is ‘yes, but I miss my personal time even more!’ In my non-working hours, should I catch up on things I enjoy or should I spend the commonly termed ‘quality’ time with M? That must be the biggest dilemma for every FTWM!

Gotta go…

As M settled well into full-day childcare and left me free at home, I started to explore opportunities to return to work. My ideal was a part-time position that’s outside the home (enough staying home!) but I soon realised that options were rather limited.

At the same time, I was presented with a few interesting full-time opportunities. I reckon nobody wants to see a full-time headcount being reduced, especially since headcounts are usually easier to be cut than increased. So I either have to stick my head in or continue to stay home for an extended period.

And as I went through the interview process for one opportunity, I got cold feet about returning to work. One of my biggest concern is of course whether I would be able to balance the needs of both family and work. But after pondering on it for several days and nights, I feel I’m ready to face my fears and move on.

M is after all not an infant anymore. At 3+, she’s gradually becoming more independent and is able to express her needs and wants. She is also more of a social being now compared to a newborn who demands undivided attention. While I have no regrets staying home over the past 3 years, I’m not sure I’ll still feel the same way if I continue to do so. I can’t deny getting excited about doing something new

And since I may not be lucky a second time, I decided to size the day. Recent events in my life definitely made my return to the workforce sooner than I expected.\ Whatever the case, I’ve had a nice long break and I’m ready for the plunge!

Some people say it’s morbid but I prefer to make plans for my family in case I have to leave this world before them. Over the past few months, I’ve summarised our household’s financial situation – mainly our assets and liabilities. During the exercise, we also reviewed our insurance needs with our financial consultant. The only thing left to do was writing a will so we can name our executors, beneficiaries and guardians for M, in case we have to go before she reaches adulthood.

The Intestate Succession Act applies in situations when a person dies without a will (intestate) or if the will left behind is incomplete. It governs who gets the deceased’s estate in what proportion and who can manage the estate. Personally, I think that if either me or Matt were to go first, it may not be a big issue dying intestate. However, it can get complicated if the worst scenario should happen, i.e. both of us dying together. *Touch wood*

In most cases, family members apply to be executors of the deceased’s estate as well as guardians of the deceased’s children. But we would rather save them the anguish of having to make those tough decisions on our behalf. Dying testate (with a will) also gives us peace of mind that M will be in good hands in the event that we can’t be there for her.

And the price of this peace of mind – $920 for the 2 of us!

M has finally moved out of her cot. We have been thinking about moving her to a single bed for a while but was afraid we won’t be able to manage her new-found freedom during bedtime. Hence, we’ve procrastinated the move till 2 weeks ago. Well, we did not have a choice, she has doubled her birth length and there isn’t much space allowance for her in the cot anymore.

We decided to get her a bed with a pull-out at the bottom so we can sleep with her when she’s not well. We eventually picked one cream-coloured divan bed where the top mattress is a super-single and the bottom a single. To prevent her from falling off the bed, we got her a bed rail. And since we can’t stop her from getting off the bed, we fixed a safety gate at her bedroom doorframe so she can be kept safely in her room.

The transition turned out easier than we thought. She was very excited about the ‘graduation’ and kept jumping on the bed when it arrived 2 Saturdays ago. That night, we kept to her usual bedtime routine closely and she actually did not attempt to get down after we switched off the lights and left her room. Wonderful, we thought! Perhaps she had been so used to being confined to her cot.

The next morning, we found her sitting in front of the gate waiting for one of us to pick her up. I think that was when she realised why the gate was there. After that, she refuses to let anyone lock it. We still do it after she falls asleep. Besides trying to avoid the bad habit of running into our bed, we really don’t want her to run into danger while we’re asleep, especially in the kitchen.

It’s interesting how ‘big’ she seemed in the cot then and how ‘small’ she now seems in the super single bed. Still a baby nonetheless…

With time on my side, I made a few shopping trips to Orchard over the past 2 weeks. And just like someone who hasn’t been there before, I felt lost. On one trip, I stepped out of Somerset MRT station and was taken aback by the surrounding, the brand new 313@Somerset. Wow, nice and cool…  no more of that hot and stuffy covered walkway.

On another trip, I was making my way from Orchard MRT station to Forum. I went up the escalator leading to the junction of Orchard Road and Paterson Road only to find out that pedestrian crossing is no longer allowed there. No wonder the signage along the way kept showing the way to the ‘Ion-Paterson Linkway’. And so I had to backtrack.

Time has been such a luxury for me as a SAHM over the past three years that I’ve given up window shopping. Most of my shopping trips are quick and purposeful. And since I do not need to dress up, there was little need to shop really, with neighbourhood malls my most frequent destination. Even until now, I’ve not gone round Ion even once, only covering sections of it while getting around.

And I thought I knew Singapore’s favourite shopping belt well. I worked around Orchard for 2 years in my first job, spending my spare lunch-times window shopping. And in my second job, I ‘studied’ the award of the land parcels that Ion and 313@Someset now sits on. Well, I guess all that are history.

Because I feel just like a tourist along Orchard Road now.

M’s language skills has been developing very fast ever since she turned 3. She has no problem communicating her feelings and needs most of the time. At the same time, her character and individualism is showing up more now, like acquiring her own sense of humour.

Just last night, after she finished her milk feed before bedtime, she covered her mouth with the bottle’s cap and pointed her empty bottle at us, shouting “Fire!” She was pretending to be a fire-fighter. It was amusing but I tried to control my laughter as I did not want her to do it. I kept saying “Cover your bottle, I don’t want your milk to drip out!” But I guess control our laughter gave us away and she kept doing it. Then she asked us “Is it funny?”

She’s surprising us more and more with what she says. Recently, while we were waiting for Matt to get food at a food court, she was watching a cleaner clear a table nearby. She said “Mummy, this auntie is very sad.” I was pleasantly surprised she was able to observe the cleaner’s mood and took the chance to explain that a cleaner’s job is very tough and that we should keep the tables clean to make their job easier. Towards the end of the meal, she noticed another cleaner and said “This uncle is not sad.” This time, it was a male cleaner who did not look as tired and jaded as the one we saw earlier.

Besides expressing her thoughts and feelings more openly now, she is definitely more demanding of late. And we can’t even feign ignorance anymore. She is even capable of telling us when she’s unhappy with us! Managing her expectations and demands is a big challenge for us now and it’s somewhat different from the ‘terrible twos’ issues because then, they are still not able to fully express themselves. I guess this challenge is not going to get any easier as she grows older.

Anyway, we’re enjoying her even more now. It’s such a joy hearing her talk about her day at school. She even imitates the way some teachers talk. Sometimes, she’ll keep talking at bedtime because she doesn’t want us to leave her room.

She certainly knows her stuff!

That’s the question I’ve been asking myself almost on a daily basis now. We started M on the full-day programme at Schoolhouse by the Garden in March when I had my surgery and it’s coming to 2 months. I feel about 80% now and I believe another month should be enough for me to feel 100%, or maybe 95%.

Question now is do we switch M back to the half-day programme after that? That was our original plan. But she seems so well-adjusted to the full-day programme that I wonder if she would display any resistance to the switch. One other big consideration is of course, cost. Since I’m not a working mum, I am not entitled to the $300 childcare subsidy offered by MCYS to working mums. Our subsidy is capped at $150 and the full-day programme costs us $680 a month.

That leads us to the next question – Should I get a job so we qualify for that $300 subsidy? This is a much harder question to answer. Depending on the nature of the job, there is bound to be logistical issues we need to iron out. Although one would only need to work 56 hours to qualify as a working mum under MCYS’s regulation, such jobs are hard to come by. Somehow, Singapore has just not caught on in the aspect of flexible work and job sharing. Most jobs I would consider are still offered on a full-time basis – about 160 hours a month (assume 8 hours a day and 20 working days a month).

Friends have suggested I be a property agent, insurance agent or financial advisor, tuition teacher or even cashier or sales staff at retail or F&B stores. I’m really not sure. I really enjoy the luxury of time I have currently. M can take forever to get ready for school on some days and I can afford to be patient in coaxing her because I’m not rushing for work. Then in the afternoons, I can pick her up as early as 4.30pm so we still have some time together before dinner preparations and we do not need to rush through the evenings.

Ultimately, most pin it down to money – Can we afford this lifestyle? Because time is really money!

Last week, M turned 3! And fortunately, I was well enough to celebrate with her in school. It was her first time celebrating with friends since her last two birthdays were spent with our families. It was also the first time she chose her cake – a baby blue cake with a train on top, which surprised us. I thought she would have chosen with pinky or princess-themed picture.

Anyway, we celebrated her birthday 2 days early as her school will be closed on her birthday. Since I’m always the one finishing her friends’ birthday party packs, I decided not to give them out. Instead,I baked some cookies and made some balloon dogs (just from watching youtube videos). So each friend received oatmeal, raisin and choc cookies, a yogurt drink and a balloon – nothing else.

Matt and I arrived at her school around 10am. The teachers brought the students into a classroom and got them to sit around a table. Next was lighting the candles, singing the birthday song and blowing out the candles. And then eating the cake. Since the students were supposed to have lunch pretty soon after that, the teachers gave them small servings. Because one of the student had an ‘accident’ – pee in her pants, the teachers were kept busy for a while. And after the children finished their cake, they lined up to wash hands and go for lunch.

A very short affair, really. Maybe because we did not prepare any activities too. Anyway, M was happy and that was enough. We said goodbye to M and she was ok… Even her principle was surprised she did not attempt to follow us. We decided to let her stay on so we can catch up on some rest and couple time. Keke…

On her birthday, we brought her to the zoo in the morning. We were really lucky that it only rained around the time we left. In the evening, Ah-ma brought cousin S over to play and have dinner. It was always challenging managing the girls. Nonetheless, it was a good experience to teach M about sharing her toys. 

Now, will someone tell me what comes after the ‘terrible two’ year?

Well, one of the drawbacks of not working is that we do not get any leave, of any sort. A week after my surgery, I went back to my gynae to check on the wound. All’s well and the plaster is off. I can now see and feel the roughly 8am cut on my lower abdomen. The tests on the fibroids showed they were benign. Phew!

Physically, I feel much better and can move around with more ease. My abdomen area still feels sore though, as the cut muscles and tissues take time to heal. The stomach binder has been helpful in keeping ‘things’ together but wearing it under clothes can be unsightly. A couple of days ago, I tried not wearing it on a short shopping trip and felt that ‘hanging’ feeling. I’ve since found a better alternative – my mum’s girdles! And they worked perfectly without the bulkiness of the stomach binder

As I got better, I was able to help with simple chores around the house. Matt has been doing everything during this period and he’s going crazy! He said he can never be a house-husband. Anyway, because I cannot strain myself for the time being, he’s still the only one carrying M around. To prepare for his absence after he returns to work, we’ve been trying to get M to walk more on her own and also getting her to climb on stools to reach the toilet seat, wash basin etc. She prefers to be carried naturally but hopefully she’ll be cooperative when required.

As Matt returned to work yesterday, we made some adjustments to her routine. We are sending her to school earlier in the morning as daddy needs to come along to carry her in and out of her car seat and to the school doorstep. In the evenings, Ah Gong will be coming along to do that.

According to my gynae, she would usually dish out a 1-month medical leave for patients who undergo a similar surgery. Since I’m not working, there wasn’t even a need to lift a pen. And I’m kinda back at work, barely 2 weeks after my surgery. But lucky for me, M is currently attending full-day childcare and my parents live nearby and are always ready to lend a helping hand

According to Dictionary.com, the meaning of discrimination is as follows:

“treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit”

A person can be discriminated against his/her age, gender, race etc. As a SAHM (aka non-working mother), I belong to a minority group of mothers who can’t help feeling discriminated against sometimes. Other than disapproval from those who believe we should be contributing to the economy, we’re also disadvantaged with regards to government subsidy and tax rebates.

Take child care subsidy for example. Non-working and working mothers enjoy equal subsidy of $150 for half-day programmes. However, for full-day programmes, working mothers enjoy a subsidy of $300 while the subsidy is capped at $150 for non-working mothers. Why? The answer from the MCYS website as follows:

“The main intent of the child care subsidy is to support mothers who need to put their children in child care centres as they continue to work. If a mother is not working, she is encouraged to be the main caregiver, and attendance at child care centres would be supplementary. Hence she is entitled to a smaller subsidy.”

Well honestly, I do not disagree with the answer given. After all, that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 3 years – being M’s primary caregiver. But as we make plans for a second child, we realise how the above answer does not address needs of SAHMs with more than one kid.

One must work 56 hours a month to qualify as a working mother. That’s around 3 hours a day, given a 20-day work month. Doesn’t sound that bad right?

Guess that’s the whole intent. To drive us back into the work force.

There we go again… GDP still has precedence over birth rate…