NagMummy

With time on my side, I made a few shopping trips to Orchard over the past 2 weeks. And just like someone who hasn’t been there before, I felt lost. On one trip, I stepped out of Somerset MRT station and was taken aback by the surrounding, the brand new 313@Somerset. Wow, nice and cool…  no more of that hot and stuffy covered walkway.

On another trip, I was making my way from Orchard MRT station to Forum. I went up the escalator leading to the junction of Orchard Road and Paterson Road only to find out that pedestrian crossing is no longer allowed there. No wonder the signage along the way kept showing the way to the ‘Ion-Paterson Linkway’. And so I had to backtrack.

Time has been such a luxury for me as a SAHM over the past three years that I’ve given up window shopping. Most of my shopping trips are quick and purposeful. And since I do not need to dress up, there was little need to shop really, with neighbourhood malls my most frequent destination. Even until now, I’ve not gone round Ion even once, only covering sections of it while getting around.

And I thought I knew Singapore’s favourite shopping belt well. I worked around Orchard for 2 years in my first job, spending my spare lunch-times window shopping. And in my second job, I ‘studied’ the award of the land parcels that Ion and 313@Someset now sits on. Well, I guess all that are history.

Because I feel just like a tourist along Orchard Road now.

M’s language skills has been developing very fast ever since she turned 3. She has no problem communicating her feelings and needs most of the time. At the same time, her character and individualism is showing up more now, like acquiring her own sense of humour.

Just last night, after she finished her milk feed before bedtime, she covered her mouth with the bottle’s cap and pointed her empty bottle at us, shouting “Fire!” She was pretending to be a fire-fighter. It was amusing but I tried to control my laughter as I did not want her to do it. I kept saying “Cover your bottle, I don’t want your milk to drip out!” But I guess control our laughter gave us away and she kept doing it. Then she asked us “Is it funny?”

She’s surprising us more and more with what she says. Recently, while we were waiting for Matt to get food at a food court, she was watching a cleaner clear a table nearby. She said “Mummy, this auntie is very sad.” I was pleasantly surprised she was able to observe the cleaner’s mood and took the chance to explain that a cleaner’s job is very tough and that we should keep the tables clean to make their job easier. Towards the end of the meal, she noticed another cleaner and said “This uncle is not sad.” This time, it was a male cleaner who did not look as tired and jaded as the one we saw earlier.

Besides expressing her thoughts and feelings more openly now, she is definitely more demanding of late. And we can’t even feign ignorance anymore. She is even capable of telling us when she’s unhappy with us! Managing her expectations and demands is a big challenge for us now and it’s somewhat different from the ‘terrible twos’ issues because then, they are still not able to fully express themselves. I guess this challenge is not going to get any easier as she grows older.

Anyway, we’re enjoying her even more now. It’s such a joy hearing her talk about her day at school. She even imitates the way some teachers talk. Sometimes, she’ll keep talking at bedtime because she doesn’t want us to leave her room.

She certainly knows her stuff!

That’s the question I’ve been asking myself almost on a daily basis now. We started M on the full-day programme at Schoolhouse by the Garden in March when I had my surgery and it’s coming to 2 months. I feel about 80% now and I believe another month should be enough for me to feel 100%, or maybe 95%.

Question now is do we switch M back to the half-day programme after that? That was our original plan. But she seems so well-adjusted to the full-day programme that I wonder if she would display any resistance to the switch. One other big consideration is of course, cost. Since I’m not a working mum, I am not entitled to the $300 childcare subsidy offered by MCYS to working mums. Our subsidy is capped at $150 and the full-day programme costs us $680 a month.

That leads us to the next question – Should I get a job so we qualify for that $300 subsidy? This is a much harder question to answer. Depending on the nature of the job, there is bound to be logistical issues we need to iron out. Although one would only need to work 56 hours to qualify as a working mum under MCYS’s regulation, such jobs are hard to come by. Somehow, Singapore has just not caught on in the aspect of flexible work and job sharing. Most jobs I would consider are still offered on a full-time basis – about 160 hours a month (assume 8 hours a day and 20 working days a month).

Friends have suggested I be a property agent, insurance agent or financial advisor, tuition teacher or even cashier or sales staff at retail or F&B stores. I’m really not sure. I really enjoy the luxury of time I have currently. M can take forever to get ready for school on some days and I can afford to be patient in coaxing her because I’m not rushing for work. Then in the afternoons, I can pick her up as early as 4.30pm so we still have some time together before dinner preparations and we do not need to rush through the evenings.

Ultimately, most pin it down to money – Can we afford this lifestyle? Because time is really money!

It’s amazing how plastic has crept into our lives. In fact, I cannot imagine life without it anymore. Recently, an article I read in the April 12 issue of the TIME magazine – ‘The Perils of Plastic’ by Bryan Walsh made me re-think the use of plastic in our home. The content of the article is not new, essentially about the danger of various chemicals from the wide use of plastic in our lives can pose a danger to us, especially young children. But we really need these reminders from time to time.

The picture of two kids in front of their bowls of cereal and a jug of drink struck me how our decisions as parents can make a difference in our children’s future. Plastic has been really useful, especially for parents of young children who love to throw their toys, milk bottles and utensils around. I recall when I first heard about the danger of the chemical, bisphenol A (BPA) sometime in 2008, BPA free milk bottles were not even available in most retail stores.

Some people I know switched to glass bottles but I did not. Reason being we had stopped sterilizing M’s bottles by then and since BPA can leak into milk only at high temperatures, I did not see a need to switch. Also, M was able to hold her own bottle while drinking and she has a tendency to throw her bottle around after that. Above all, I could not be sure all her drinking and eating utensils were BPA free too, especially when we eat out or pack food home.

But reading the article and all the potential danger of chemicals such as PVC and BPA, I can’t help wondering if that is still the right decision. BPA is a synthetic estrogen that can cause potentially cause serious reproductive problems for females. According to the article, Canada and Denmark are the only countries to have banned BPA milk bottles.

At the same time, manufacturers have responded and BPA free milk and drinking bottles are now more widely available, though at around 30-50% price premium. I’ve even noticed some toys labelled PVC and PBA free. The question that comes often to my mind is – Is it really necessary? Well, it’s an answer that will perhaps take governments a lot longer to answer because producers of the chemicals will argue that they are safe in small amounts.

But like mentioned in the article, thresholds can be a really tricky question. As consumers, we often have to make decisions without the full set of information. I looked around our home to see how we can minimise M’s exposure of these dangerous chemicals and I have the feeling it’s not going to be an easy task.

Nonetheless, I took the first step of getting her BPA free milk bottles!

If it’s difficult having a sick child at home, it’s worse when both parent and child are sick. Last week, my sore throat turned into a bad cough. In fact, I cough just like M and it’s driving Matt crazy having to take care of us both. Needless to say, visits to the doctors became our most frequent outings.

M’s on-and-off cough has now gone on for months and it’s really tiring us out. We’re trying both western medicine and Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) but things seem to be progressing too slowly. We actually made an appointment for M to get a skin prick test at KK but was not able to do it because she had some anti-histamine couple of days ago. The test has been rescheduled to 3 months later and we went home with 3 months worth of an anti-allergic drug – ketotifen.

Coughing now is umpteen times more painful (around my abdomen area) than usual because of my surgery. I almost have to crouch down every time I cough to minimise the pain. I even wonder if my wound might rupture because it can get so painful!

Just can’t wait to get well!

Last week, M turned 3! And fortunately, I was well enough to celebrate with her in school. It was her first time celebrating with friends since her last two birthdays were spent with our families. It was also the first time she chose her cake – a baby blue cake with a train on top, which surprised us. I thought she would have chosen with pinky or princess-themed picture.

Anyway, we celebrated her birthday 2 days early as her school will be closed on her birthday. Since I’m always the one finishing her friends’ birthday party packs, I decided not to give them out. Instead,I baked some cookies and made some balloon dogs (just from watching youtube videos). So each friend received oatmeal, raisin and choc cookies, a yogurt drink and a balloon – nothing else.

Matt and I arrived at her school around 10am. The teachers brought the students into a classroom and got them to sit around a table. Next was lighting the candles, singing the birthday song and blowing out the candles. And then eating the cake. Since the students were supposed to have lunch pretty soon after that, the teachers gave them small servings. Because one of the student had an ‘accident’ – pee in her pants, the teachers were kept busy for a while. And after the children finished their cake, they lined up to wash hands and go for lunch.

A very short affair, really. Maybe because we did not prepare any activities too. Anyway, M was happy and that was enough. We said goodbye to M and she was ok… Even her principle was surprised she did not attempt to follow us. We decided to let her stay on so we can catch up on some rest and couple time. Keke…

On her birthday, we brought her to the zoo in the morning. We were really lucky that it only rained around the time we left. In the evening, Ah-ma brought cousin S over to play and have dinner. It was always challenging managing the girls. Nonetheless, it was a good experience to teach M about sharing her toys. 

Now, will someone tell me what comes after the ‘terrible two’ year?

Well, one of the drawbacks of not working is that we do not get any leave, of any sort. A week after my surgery, I went back to my gynae to check on the wound. All’s well and the plaster is off. I can now see and feel the roughly 8am cut on my lower abdomen. The tests on the fibroids showed they were benign. Phew!

Physically, I feel much better and can move around with more ease. My abdomen area still feels sore though, as the cut muscles and tissues take time to heal. The stomach binder has been helpful in keeping ‘things’ together but wearing it under clothes can be unsightly. A couple of days ago, I tried not wearing it on a short shopping trip and felt that ‘hanging’ feeling. I’ve since found a better alternative – my mum’s girdles! And they worked perfectly without the bulkiness of the stomach binder

As I got better, I was able to help with simple chores around the house. Matt has been doing everything during this period and he’s going crazy! He said he can never be a house-husband. Anyway, because I cannot strain myself for the time being, he’s still the only one carrying M around. To prepare for his absence after he returns to work, we’ve been trying to get M to walk more on her own and also getting her to climb on stools to reach the toilet seat, wash basin etc. She prefers to be carried naturally but hopefully she’ll be cooperative when required.

As Matt returned to work yesterday, we made some adjustments to her routine. We are sending her to school earlier in the morning as daddy needs to come along to carry her in and out of her car seat and to the school doorstep. In the evenings, Ah Gong will be coming along to do that.

According to my gynae, she would usually dish out a 1-month medical leave for patients who undergo a similar surgery. Since I’m not working, there wasn’t even a need to lift a pen. And I’m kinda back at work, barely 2 weeks after my surgery. But lucky for me, M is currently attending full-day childcare and my parents live nearby and are always ready to lend a helping hand

I had just gone through my much dreaded surgery to remove the 2 fibroids in my uterus. The larger fibroid has continued growing over the past one over year, leaving me with little choice but to have them removed.

My surgery was scheduled early in the morning at 7.45am and I had to admit by 5.45am. Besides having to get up early, I had to take an oral laxative (Fleet) the previous night to clear my bowels which caused me to have the runs till past 1am. l was also not allowed to eat and drink after midnight. Hence, I was groggy when I reached the hospital – Thomson Medical Centre.

As we waited and prepared for the operation, I got more nervous. I was also worried than I won’t be able to take the pain after hearing about how painful it can get. It was such a terrible feeling being pushed into the operating theatre. Once there, it was so cold that I started to shiver. The nurses piled another blanket on me but it did not help.

The anaesthetist came first to prepare me for general anaesthesia. My gynae arrived next, said hello and “have a good sleep and you’ll wake up without your fibroids”. I was given an oxygen mask and told to take deep breadths as the anaesthetist injected a syringe of drug into me, sending stinging pain up my forearm.  A few more breadths and I blacked out.

The surgery took an hour or so, after which they transferred me to the recovery room. I can recall flashes of the anaesthetist shaking me to wake me up. Then a few more flashes of nurses pushing me back to the ward and transferring me onto the bed. All that done by 10am.

I was drowsy the rest of the day, drifting in and out of sleep. My throat felt so dry and was allowed only to take sips of water to prevent me from vomiting. I finally had my first drink – a cup of Milo around 5pm. Dinner – fish porridge was served later but I had no appetite, took just 2 mouths.

My gynae visited and showed me a photo of the larger fibroid. Gory! She said that the fibroid actually felt soft instead of hard, indicating that it may be degenerating due to lack of blood supply. Hmm… Anyway, we know that fibroids can recur again. So we should ideally try for a baby soon as I recover. Gynae said one patient of hers who got pregnant 2 months after her surgery already had new fibroids growing again! But at least they are small and not likely to affect the foetus.

I felt much better the day after the surgery. I was taken off the drip and they also removed the urine bag. I took my first steps after breakfast and some painkillers. Getting off the bed was the most challenging and walking got progressively easier as the day went on. Pretty soon I was able to go to the toilet unassisted.

Because of this surgery, we decided over the weekend that M should extend her half-day programme to full-day programme so I can recover without any worries. She started the day of the surgery and so far so good. Matt brought her to visit me after dinner on both nights. Although we had explained to her that mummy will not be able to carry her for a while, she still tried to get me to carry her, crying and throwing tantrums to get her way.

Overall, we had mixed feelings about the stay at TMC. M was delivered at Mt Alvernia Hospital. I would say that TMC scored better in terms of physical room facilities since they look recently renovated. But service wise, they failed to impress me. They seemed rather disorganised – one nurse came in asking where’s my baby, another came in with an x-ray asking me if I’m the person listed on the envelope, 2 management staff came in asking for our feedback not knowing when and why I was there, one staff came in asking if I’m having lunch just before we left. Shouldn’t they have known these things even before they knocked at the door? Also, the discharge took longer than expected. We were ready around 10am but had to wait for the cashier who showed up around noon. Add the exorbitant parking and we really have doubts if we’ll choose it a second time.

Anyway, I’m finally home and still taking baby steps. Crossing my fingers that the fibroids will be gone for good.

According to Dictionary.com, the meaning of discrimination is as follows:

“treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit”

A person can be discriminated against his/her age, gender, race etc. As a SAHM (aka non-working mother), I belong to a minority group of mothers who can’t help feeling discriminated against sometimes. Other than disapproval from those who believe we should be contributing to the economy, we’re also disadvantaged with regards to government subsidy and tax rebates.

Take child care subsidy for example. Non-working and working mothers enjoy equal subsidy of $150 for half-day programmes. However, for full-day programmes, working mothers enjoy a subsidy of $300 while the subsidy is capped at $150 for non-working mothers. Why? The answer from the MCYS website as follows:

“The main intent of the child care subsidy is to support mothers who need to put their children in child care centres as they continue to work. If a mother is not working, she is encouraged to be the main caregiver, and attendance at child care centres would be supplementary. Hence she is entitled to a smaller subsidy.”

Well honestly, I do not disagree with the answer given. After all, that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 3 years – being M’s primary caregiver. But as we make plans for a second child, we realise how the above answer does not address needs of SAHMs with more than one kid.

One must work 56 hours a month to qualify as a working mother. That’s around 3 hours a day, given a 20-day work month. Doesn’t sound that bad right?

Guess that’s the whole intent. To drive us back into the work force.

There we go again… GDP still has precedence over birth rate…

Chinese New Year (CNY) has to be about food, food and food. A lot of the significance of this festival to me is linked to the food we eat around this period. Growing up in an extended family, this most important festival to Chinese is also my favourite. And it’s got to do with how my Teochew family celebrated it when I was young.

Besides spring-cleaning every nook and cranny of a 2-storey terrace house (an enormous task for the household of 14 people), the food preparation leading up to the festival is also a very memorable one. I always tag along whenever my mum goes about her marketing and really enjoy the air of festivity at wet markets late at night – CNY is the only time they stay open this late. My mum and aunt home-made dishes like ngor hiang (seafood rolls), kay koy (vegetarian duck), cheng teng (a dessert) and even bake kueh bahru (a snack) the traditional way with metal moulds and charcoal fire.

After the reunion dinner where my other uncles and their families will join us, all the kids would line up to receive our angbaos from my grandfather. We had to say a festive greeting in order to get it. On the first day of CNY, we kids had to offer festive greetings to all adults first thing in the morning. After that, it’s a busy 2 days of receiving guests and then visiting relatives, which means lots of pok-chwee (carbonated drinks), sweets, snacks and of course angbaos!

Even though we no longer celebrate it to the same extend as in the past (after the passing of my grandparents), I still look forward to this festival every year. I hope M will enjoy it as much as I do and I’ve been telling her about CNY as we go around. Last week, we put up some CNY decorations while she was in school and when she reach the door, she asked “Mummy, why is there a sticker on the door? It’s upside-down??” It was an inverted 福 with pictures of a boy and girl. 

She even surprised me with “恭禧发财”the other day, I asked her who taught her and she said 老师. Yesterday, she held two mandarin oranges together and said “恭禧恭禧”. She can even sing part of the “恭禧,恭禧,恭禧你啊”song!

How fun… I’m looking forward to bringing her around already!

新年快乐!