NagMummy

I’ve been putting aside ‘useless’ things for M to play and explore since she was a baby. That can be pamphlets, boxes, packaging, price tags, toilet paper rolls… things which we would otherwise discard. And most of them turn out to be interesting only the first time round.

We were doodling one afternoon when I happened to spot a few toilet paper rolls I had set aside earlier. I suggested drawing on them and M got excited at doing something new with them (besides looking through them). When we were done, I took out some tape to stick two of them together and she instantly took it as her ‘camera’.

She would ask me and her soft toys to ‘smile’ for her and proudly announce afterwards that she had taken pictures with her ‘camera’. Because she always wanted to hold on to our digital camera whenever we wanted to take pictures, she was very happy to finally own one.

Anyway, her ‘camera’, turned out pretty useful during our recent trip to the zoo. As we prepared for our trip on that Saturday morning, M wanted to hold on to her ‘camera’. When we were in the lift, she was showing a neighbour her ‘camera’ and telling him that she’s going to take pictures of the animals in the zoo (of course mummy had to act as her translator). The neighbour couldn’t control his grin and commented that her ‘camera’ was really ‘hi-tech’. LOL

At the zoo, M was happily snapping pictures with it, and we could finally take some clear pictures of her! (which is quite challenging these days) It was really amusing watching her do that. I just couldn’t stop laughing! I actually felt bad watching M make a ‘fool’ of herself after a while.

But oh well, it’s all for some good, clean and cheap fun that’ll probably only happen once!

Before I elaborate further on our final choice of childcare centre, let me just a few points on our eventual decision on a childcare centre over a kindy for M – which I briefly discussed in my previous post.

1) Half-day ‘freedom’. After 2.5 years of staying home with M, I do hope to get some time off finally to explore my own interests! If she goes to a regular kindy, I would prefer to cook her lunch and that will definitely ‘eat’ into my ‘freedom’ time.

2) Given the above point, I hope we can reduce the frequency we go over to my mum’s place for dinner (currently 5 days a week) to perhaps 2-3 days a week. Which of course means I’ll be cooking dinner!

3) One big plus point about childcare centres is they do not have term breaks like the kindergartens! I can imagine how ‘disruptive’ that can be for my ‘freedom’ plans.

4) Alternative care for my absence and recovery for my impending surgery. (This will need a separate post…)

So… Before we set out to visit the childcare centres we shortlisted, here’s my wish list:

1) No air-conditioning: Besides preventing the rapid spread of diseases, M has been living without it in the day so I thought it might be better to stay this way.

2) Private outdoor play area: Since we live in a high-rise HDB flat, M’s contact with nature has been somewhat limited so it’ll nice to let her explore the outdoors in a secure and safe environment.

3) No computers: This is one area I do not see a need for a headstart in life.

4) Clean, organised and pleasant environment: Almost a must-have, especially for young children.

5) Good curriculum: I hope I do not need to send M for ‘Primary 1 Preparedness’ classes in a few years’ time! But I think this is an extremely difficult area to assess, especially for non-teaching professional me. Anyway, I went to a bookstore to have a look at some P1 assessment books to get an idea of what the kids should know and got quite a shock – a ‘challenging’ maths assessment book! Do they really need this???

6) Good teachers: Another subjective area. After all, what is good varies from person to person. Besides passion and dedication which all centres claim their teachers have, I have a slight preference for younger teachers. Maybe it’s their energy level and ‘innocence’.

7) Hearty meals: An area I feel we have least control, it almost feels like ‘take it or leave it’. So I’ll be looking for balanced meals and nothing more.

Sufficient time for play: M is the sort that requires a lot of time to play and explore. So I definitely hope for each activity for be assigned enough time so she does not need to be rushed between activities.

Admittedly, there are some things which may be more easily assessed (physical environment) than others (teachers) and even then, one or two visits may not result in an accurate assessment.

Anyway, if you’re interested to read on, here’s a quick account of all the centres (Serangoon North area) we visited (and tried to visit).

Cambridge Child Development Centre (Poh Huat Cres): The asst. supervisor brought us around on a quick tour of the place, no presentation of timetable, meals or curriculum. No air-conditioning. Place seems noisy, perhaps it’s the traffic from the major road next to it. We heard one teacher screaming ‘SIT DOWN’ at the kids. Reasonable outdoor play area. Incidentally, I had read quite a few good comments about this centre so wasn’t sure if what we saw was a true reflection of the place.

School House by the Garden (Philips Ave): Non air-conditioned common areas (living room, dining area, bathrooms) with air-conditioned classrooms. As their website described, a ‘tranquil’ environment with a one-way road in front. Reasonable outdoor play area – a permanent wall for ‘graffiti’ and saw a  tortoise and some small plants. Teacher who brought us around took her time to explain timetable, meals, curriculum. Teachers came across sincere and children contented. (Felt good leaving the place – must be the air of my childhood! My Primary School (which has closed down) is just around the corner.

Treasure Box (Parry Ave): Called 3 times between me and Matt but was not able to reach Principle who shuttles between centres. Refused to provide mobile number. Gave a final call when we left School House by the Garden but staff insists no visit without appointment with principle. Did not take down our contacts in those 4 calls. Anyway, place looks to be fully air-conditioned (closed doors and windows), we could not even take a peek into the house. No staff or children in sight. Outdoor play area seems reasonable. Put off by attitude of staff. Dropped from our list.

Preschool by-the-Park (Li Hwan View): Before we entered the place, we were already ‘awed’ by the property – a huge three-storey detached house with a swimming pool. Staff who took my call and brought me around was very professional – agreeing to show us around even though they do not even have an available place at the moment. Air-conditioned classrooms. Quite an international crowd – with expat kids. Brief presentation of timetable. Curriculum includes Kindermusik and offers enrichment programmes like violin and swimming classes. Pretty impressive outdoor play area (which comes at a price of course). Put M on their waiting list.

Preschool by-the-Park (Carmichael Rd): We were referred here by the staff from their Li Hwan centre. Principle brought us around, came across experienced, took time to explain their objectives and approach. Air-conditioning in classrooms not switched on. Ceiling fans in classrooms seemed to cause lighting to flicker. Quite an old property, will do good with some sprucing up. Met two Filipino teachers attending to the younger kids. Don’t mean to discriminate but I’m not too sure about M acquiring an Filipino-American accent. Distance from our place a little too far.

It’s not difficult guessing what’s our final choice. Crossing our fingers it’ll work out for M!

Now that M is 2.5 years old, she is beginning to show more willingness to play with other children. Hence, we feel she might be ready for independent classes. The obvious choices we have are the Playgroup (or Pre-Nursery or Nursery 1 – N1) programmes offered by kindergartens (governed by MOE) or childcare centres (governed by MCYS). It’s interesting that the ‘market leader’ in kindergarten education – PCF – offers this programme only in selected centres.

After studying the lists available from the two ministries, we confirmed our observation that there are more childcare centres than kindergartens around our place. Childcare centres generally offer full- or half-day services. On top of the ‘school’ portion, they throw in meals and child minding services. Even before the start of our search, this was already my preferred choice, since it would free up more time for me. But cost wise, it seems more pricey than kindergartens, mainly because we are looking at half-day care. We visited four centres and our top choice costs $410  per month after a $150 subsidy for their half day service (8.30am – 12.30pm).

As for kindergartens, those we sampled were 3-hour (eg. 8.30am – 11.30am) in duration. Because it was my less preferred choice and there was only one nearby that we liked, we did not visit it in the end. However, we did find out that it costs $216 per month, based on a 10-week term of $540. (Note: none of the PCF kindergartens in our area offer N1.)

After some consideration, we decided we’ll just go with the childcare centre and see how things turn out. Being relieved of taking care of M for half a day (including cooking lunch) will open up so much more opportunities for me to explore.

And hence, our search is officially over (I hope)!

M has been very much a ‘textbook’ baby and now toddler. And that’s according to the definitions from the book ‘Secrets of the Baby Whisperer’ by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau. In short, ‘textbook’ babies respond well to routines and require a high level of predictability. I’ve since read the follow-on book on toddlers as well. And the best tip I got from the book is on how to establish routines.

Besides routines, there’s another thing I liked about this book. It tries to ‘categorise’ babies and toddlers into 5 different types – Angel, Textbook, Touchy, Spirited, and Grumpy. Although it’s quite impossible that one child displays traits of one type only, it really got me to appreciate M for who she is. We parents often compare our babies but it’s really not fair to them because they’re all individuals. The strategies for dealing with each type of baby and toddler also came in useful.

And routines are just great for both mother and child, offering us security and predictability. The book also offers a really simple routine for young babies, E.A.S.Y. – Eat, Activity, Sleep, You (Mummy’s personal time). Using this suggestion, I was able to establish a routine for M by the time she was around 6 months old. Although I’m well-aware it won’t happen 100% of the time, but just knowing what comes next is good enough!

Let me give you an idea of M’s typical weekday at 29 months old.

p/s: On weekdays, I cook lunch and we go over to my mum’s place for dinner.

With so many ‘Activity’ times a day, I sometimes run out of ideas what to do! Which is why we attend some classes which takes us out of the house and allow me to sit back and follow the teachers’ lead. Other things we do to ‘kill’ time are: supermarket trips, walks to the park & playground, story-telling, baking, doodling, crafts, pretend plays etc…

With such a ‘hectic’ schedule, I ‘knock out’ by 9.15pm on some days

It’s quite common for babies to react to vaccinations with a fever.

So here’s a ‘passed down’ way to ‘cool’ baby’s body before taking the vaccination.

The easy way is to immerse a few pieces (4-5) of ‘pao sheng’ or 花旗參 or american ginseng (available at chinese medical halls) in boiling water (250ml) in a small thermal flask and let it infuse for at 2-3 hours.

The other way is to double-boil the same thing for about an hour then transfer it to a thermal flask. (My mum prefers this method but I’m really not sure if it’s better…)

Offer to baby in small amounts as plain water 2 days before going for immunisation. Discard unfinished portion (actually you can drink it lah!) and prepare new portion for the next day.

Note: There are different grades of american ginseng. The younger they are, the ‘cooler’ they are. Check with the store assistant for the appropriate grade.

Caution: Although this may be a common home remedy, it may not be suitable for all. Always consult a licensed practitioner when in doubt.

I remember learning in school that our normal body temperature is 36.9 degrees C. But I realised this was not very useful for a new mother with a baby having her first fever. We did not bring out the thermometer until the day we suspected M was having her first fever. A BIG mistake!

If you carry your child often enough, you would probably notice that he/ she feels warmer than usual. Otherwise, you may notice some behavioural changes, like loss of appetite or fussiness. We know now, after a few bouts of fever, that M’s cheeks always become rosier when she’s running a temperature. She also perspires less somehow, even with the same level of activity. And her normal body temperature is between 36.5 and 36.8 degrees C.

So if you are lucky enough not to have experienced your child’s first fever, I strongly recommend that you measure his/ her temperature once you’ve settled down at home or when your child is well. And not just once, you need to do it at different times of the day as our temperatures change through the day and in different environments (eg, air-conditioned environment).

And remember to record it somewhere, and you’ll see how helpful it can be…

When mothers meet, we are bound to share stories of our pregnancies and kids. It’s almost like how guys can meet for the first time and go on about their male-bonding experience – National Service (NS). It is often said that child bearing is like the female form of NS in which females contribute to the nation. Singapore’s latest birth rate (2008) is at a record low of 1.28.

Well, motherhood is indeed a female-only experience. I’ve gained a different level of understanding about my mum and mum-in-law through it. It has also allowed me to rekindle and start new friendships. And like NS, some have it easier than others. Some enjoy it more than others.

But unlike NS, it’s not compulsory at a particular year. Most of us decide to have a kid after some consideration. And there’s no ORD (Operationally Ready Date) or reservists, thank goodness!. We can only hope that our kid will grow up to be independent but even then – once a mum, always a mum.

Contributing to the nation’s birth rate never crossed our minds when we decided to have a child. It can be more appropriately described as a favourable by-effect for the nation. There’s really nothing patriotic about feeding and changing diapers!

Nonetheless, Happy National Day!

Against the wishes of environmentalists, I have to say that the best baby invention has to be disposable diapers! I just can’t imagine how mothers survived without them in the past.

Like most mothers in Singapore, I left the hospital with M and a pack of Pampers. And there’s not a single day since then that we’re without disposable diapers. When I’m out with M, I’ll carry 2 spare ones. At any one time, I’ll have at least 2 packets at home because I stock them when they are on sale.

And the 2 main reasons why I bestowed the title to disposable diapers:

1) Disposable diapers have definitely brought about the ‘mobility’ of babies. Can you imagine an outing or even a holiday with a baby on cloth nappies? Impossible, in my opinion.

2) Disposable diapers allow babies and mothers to sleep through the night earlier. Children generally start potty training around the age of 2 and even later for night-time control. It’ll be torturous to live with disrupted sleep for so long because of the need for nappy change!

As with most things, the convenience of disposable comes with a price, to us parents and to the environment. So do try to potty train your children as soon as they are ready and communicating well. M was potty-trained for her bowel movement before she turned one.

At 28 months old now, she is diaper-free in the day and is comfortable using the toilet seat. She still needs to be diapered when she sleeps and when we’re out because there just aren’t many kiddy toilets around.

And we are certainly looking forward to the day M can go without them!

I’ve met many stay-at-home-grandmas (SAHGs). My mum is one – she is the primary caregiver of my niece. Some relatives and neighbours are in the same position. When I attend classes with M, there are some kids who are accompanied by their grandparents too.

If I did not stop work before getting pregnant, I believe my first choice of caregiver for M would be my mum. The reason is simple – I trust her. Hence, grandmas are usually preferred over domestic helpers and childcare providers.

But with the Singapore government’s efforts to get the elderly out of the house and in the workforce by pushing back the official retirement age and introducing financial incentives like Workfare, I foresee the extinction of this group of preferred childminders in the near future.

Separately, I sometimes wonder if it is fair to transfer the responsibility of taking care of our kids back to our parents, who have been there and done that, some 30 years ago. I seriously doubt I will enjoy being a parent again 30 years later. So why would my mum? I bet she wish she was still working, enjoying her financial reward and having her freedom and social life.

Of course, the little ones bring a lot of joy to the grandparents, but a full-time job taking care of their basic needs is no fun at all. I see this grandma around the neighbourhood pretty often who is always with a girl around the age of 5 and another boy in a stroller around 1. She walks very slowly with a limp and I always feel so sorry for her because she just doesn’t look happy at all.

You might argue that a domestic helper will solve the problem. I’m not sure. They bring with them another set of issues… So yes, I’ll like my mum to babysit M sometimes. But no, I chose not to go back to full-time work, which would mean hiring a domestic helper and leaving them with my mum during the day.

And I have to say no regrets!

Life as a SAHM can be lonely at times… especially when I have to spend my birthday on my own (if you exclude a 2-year-old whose concept of a birthday is singing the birthday song, blowing out the candles and eating the cake!). My husband has been attending this particular conference in their US headquarters for the past 4 years, every time coinciding with my birthday. And it’s going to happen a fifth time next week!

Of course we can celebrate it some other time. And not that we really celebrate it in any special way, but it’s just nice to have him around. Actually, we’ve not celebrated my birthday together since we got married! I wonder if I have to wait till he leaves the firm to be able to do that…

Anyway, back to the real topic… So yes, if you spend the majority of your waking hours with a two-year-old, it can sometimes feel lonely, not to mention boring. Truth is: I’m usually too tired to even get a social life!

Besides that, I’ve gradually lost touch with the ‘outside’ world, having stopped work for a while. And inevitably losing some common topics with friends and ex-colleagues who are busy climbing the corporate ladder. Even though I don’t miss working, I do miss the regular social interaction with other adults. Nowadays, I make do with my parents and other Aunties around the neighbourhood. LOL.

I guess I’ve come to rely on my husband for my daily ‘downloads’. Afterall, who else would be interested to know what we did, ate etc every single day? So I have no choice but be ‘self-sufficient’ for one week. I’ve been through it and I’m sure I’ll be fine.

I just don’t like the thought of it!