NagMummy

I have always thought of chicken pox as a mild childhood illness, maybe troublesome but never serious. So naturally I didn’t see a need to vaccinate M against it, even when her paediatrician recommended it when she turned one.

It’s interesting that we readily agreed to the rotavirus and pneumococcal vaccines which were both elective. I guess it’s because most of us have been through chicken pox and have not seen it turn serious.

But since M started on her group-based classes, I became a little more worried. She was interacting more with other kids and sharing toys was an easy way for infectious diseases to spread.

Also, there seem to be cases of chicken pox and HFMD (hand, foot and mouth disease) reported from time to time where she attends playgroup. The teachers usually inform the parents once a case is reported so we can check our kids before attending our next class.

Once, M’s teacher spotted a red bump on one of her fingers (which I didn’t notice beforehand) and politely told us to get clearance from a doctor before we could join the class. A boy in the same class had just been diagnosed with chicken pox. I did a check with some parents later and it seemed most have vaccinated their kids against chicken pox.

So even though I thought it was better for M to experience chicken pox and gain the immunity on her own, we finally decided to go ahead with the vaccination. We can now quite safely (no vaccination offers 100% protection) eliminate chicken pox as a cause of fever if she does get one, especially helpful in times like these with a looming swine flu pandemic.

So the final deal is we get some peace of mind while the doctors and pharmaceutical companies earn more money!

Motherhood has definitely turned me into an ‘Auntie’. This really hit home when I was recently approached by a student asking for donation during a flag day. “Auntie, would you like to donate?” Oh well, what else could I expect? I was in shorts, T-shirt and slippers; and on my way to the supermarket with M.

Appearance aside, I have to admit that my life is indeed very ‘Auntie”. My typical daily activities include cooking, washing and taking care of my kid. I’ve also probably picked up some ‘Auntie’ traits like poor dressing, nitpicking at supermarkets, constant lookout for promotions etc.

I guess the most surprising ‘Auntie’ trait which I’ve acquired is that I can now cook a decent (nothing fanciful though) meal for my family. I could not even imagine myself doing that previously. I’ve never bothered learning about different cuts of meat, how to treat them etc… until the need necessitated it. That is, when M started on solids. I wanted to ensure she gets nutritious meals and started to consult my mum and mum-in-law for their recipes.

None of us were born knowing how to cook; so we all have to learn it the hard way – some trial and error and lots of practice. And since we all need food to live, knowing how to cook could probably qualify as a survival skill. That’s one thing I don’t mind being an ‘Auntie’ for!

When M was approaching one year old, she started to go through shuddering attacks, alike to shivering or mild seizures. She would clench her hands and jaws and each occurrence lasted seconds. It scared us badly. Initially, we thought it happened only when she was agitated. But we soon realised it happened randomly, like during play or meal times, and it seemed she had no control over it.

Interestingly, it affected us more than her. She would just continue where she left off (before the attack) like nothing happened while I would rush to hold and comfort her. We learned later that we should not respond to her as it could encourage her to do it deliberately just to get our attention.

Anyway, we decided to seek medical advice. M’s paediatrician referred us to a neurologist. Thankfully, it seems M’s behaviour does not constitute epilepsy, our worst fear. We also learned the term ‘shuddering attack’. Apparently, this condition does happen to some young children and it usually subsides on its own around two years of age. We also watched videos clips of some children caught on tape. It was exactly what M does and watching those clips made me feel more comforted that we were not alone.

Since there was no medication or follow-up action required, we left the clinic crossing our fingers that M would stop shuddering in time to come. She did continue to do it for a couple more months but the frequency dropped and before we knew it, she stopped completely.

But this episode left its permanent mark on me. Even until now, every time M shakes when she exerts strength, I would automatically sit up and pay attention.

 Nagmummy: contributed by my husband

My wife shared with me that after she posted ‘stay-at-home mum’, she had some discussions with friends and one of the things she highlighted was that some husbands did not agree with the prospective of a single income family. Recently, one of my close guy friend also said he would not want his wife to stay at home when they have kids. (Reason was they needed two incomes to survive)

Anyway, my wife thought that it was a good idea for me to share my perspective of things.

1. My wife is passionate about it

My wife not only enjoys being a SAHM, she is passionate about it. I did not see this passion in her when she was working. She is really a ‘professional’ mum who dedicates her energy and time to educating and nurturing M. She reads up and researches on best practices and puts M’s welfare her top priority.

2. Bonding takes time

One main reason we made the decision to have a parent stay at home with M is to foster strong family ties. My wife grew up in an extended family and enjoys very strong bonds with her family members. I, on the other hand, was taken care of by my nanny (a relative) till I was 13. I only went back to my parents’ place on weekends. As a kid, I would cry if I had to spend more than 1 night there. My nanny knows my favourite foods, my temperament and can relate all kinds of embarrassing stories about me that my mother cannot. I feel closer to my nanny than my parents even until now. And the ties I have with my family can be described as obligatory rather than love, sadly. I look at my wife’s family and hope I can be as close to M as my wife is to her parents – staying close even after she grows up and becomes independent.

So weekend parents beware!

Jo, a close friend of mine, attended a child educational talk by a psychiatrist and shared that quality time alone cannot make you understand your child’s potential as it is only with quantity of time that you will get to understand his/her temperament, abilities and interests.

3. We can get by…

My wife and I do not have rich parents and neither are we rich. Fortunately, we have a simple lifestyle – living in a HDB flat and not owning a car and can therefore survive on one income, for now. Our home loan is our only liability and it is 100% insured against TPD (total or permanent disability) and death.

We also have various insurance policies (life, critical illness, accident and medical) which can hopefully help see us through any unforeseen circumstances. Also, we maintain cash savings of at least 6 months worth of our living expenses, just in case I lose my job during this recession (fingers crossed).

4. My wife is not into high fashion labels

When my wife started working, she did yearn for high fashion stuff like any typical gal. Luckily over the years, she became more discerning and now goes for value more than brand. And without the need to dress for work plus other related expenses, her personal expenses are now even lower than M!

All in all, I am extremely happy that my wife stays at home to look after, educate and most importantly spend time bonding with M. Because I only get to see M less than 2 hours a day on weekdays, I miss seeing all the ‘growing up fun’ that she experiences (which my wife will narrate to me at the end of the day if I don’t fall asleep first). I’m comforted that M has a very close and loving relationship with her mummy and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

In a nutshell, Happy Wife + Happy M = Happy Me!

I did not grow up with a domestic helper. There was never a real need since there was always a spare pair of hands in my extended family. And my mum kinda stayed at home – she started to work half a day when I started kindergarten.

Hence, I was used to seeing my mum cook, wash, clean – basically doing chores. And I grew up thinking helpers were only for the rich. When I became a mum, I realised how badly I needed an extra pair of hands around the house. Our experience of having the confinement nanny confirmed our initial thoughts about having a live-in helper around the house – Uncomfortable.

But after six months of trying to cope on our own, I threw in the towels. I must say having a helper really made life easier. I hardly washed anything the following year! But ultimately, I just didn’t like living with, managing and being responsible for one. Tough life, some say…

It’s been four months since we let our helper go and I feel more “at home” somehow. We have a part-timer who comes in to clean the house twice a week now and I can definitely say – Very Comfortable.

A lot of people are surprised that M sleeps on her own at night. She has been sleeping in the cot in her room since she was born but there was always an adult close by. When she turned one, we decided she was ready to be on her own. She was sleeping well and no longer needs a night feed

The only exception was when she was sick. And we always keep a baby monitor on through the night so we are alerted to her cries easily.

I’ve definitely been sleeping better since moving out of her room. It’s really beneficial that I get a good night’s sleep so I have the energy to take care of her during the day. I really appreciate this daily ‘time-off’ from her.

I remember an ex-colleague who mentioned that the only time she spends with her son was during sleep on work days, and that’s why her family co-sleeps on the same bed. How sad, I thought then…

So even though we’ve gotten a few frowns from people who seemed to imply we’re not good parents for letting M sleep on her own, we’re still behind it. It’s really just a matter of time.

For one, we will be spared the trouble of kicking her out of our bed or room when she’s older, which most people agree, will be tougher.

M started to nap in the old school sarong rocker when she was two months old. It allowed her to nap for longer stretches of time and allowed me to take a break. She was quite a ‘cry baby’ then, so we introduced the pacifier around the same time but kept it strictly for sleep. We even played soothing music at times to induce her to dreamland.

When her daily routine stabilised around six months, we started to wean her off the pacifier and music. The music was easy; we just stopped playing. As for weaning her off the pacifier, we first started with the afternoon naps. I would let her fall asleep with it and then try to remove it after she falls into deep sleep. At times, it startled her and I had to let her have it again. But after a week or so, she did not even need it to fall asleep. We then went on to do the same thing when she sleeps at night. All was well and the pacifier became reserved for emergency only.

But the sarong rocker remained our ultimate life-saver…

So much so that M would only want to nap in it. But as she grew substantially heavier, we began to worry about her falling out of it. Her weight gradually caused the sarong to sink lower and lower such that if her legs dangled out she could touch the floor.

I first tried to get her to nap in her cot when she around 1.5 years old but no matter what I did (milk, pacifier, music), I was unsuccessful. She would stand in her cot, point to her sarong rocker and cry till I brought her there.

Disheartened by the attempts, I did not try again till a couple of months later. This time round, the first attempt was already encouraging; even though I needed to re-introduce the pacifier and soothing music. She would cry when I put her in her cot; I would come back in with the pacifier and she would fall asleep after a while. Hence, I managed to get rid of the sarong rocker at the expense of the two lesser evils.

Not willing to settle at this, I tried not giving her the pacifier a few days later and she could fall asleep on her own! That made my day. Left with the least of the three evils  – soothing music, I was really not in a hurry. And getting rid of it proved to be a breeze…

For the benefit of some friends getting ready for their first baby, I’m sharing my shopping list below:

Shopping List

p/s: Not everything is needed immediately. Really depends on your delivery mode, preferred way of feeding and diapering. Good to get hubby involved so he knows what to get later on.

The question I am asked most frequently these days is when we intend to have a second child. My prepared answer has always been: probably in a couple of years.

I soon realised that such an answer usually invited a dose of well-meaning advice about the advantages of having children close in age. Most common ones include: not losing momentum, recycling baby stuff, playmate for M… And of course, since I’m not working!

Although I don’t disagree with the above, I still do not feel ready. One of the main reasons is I’ll like to continue to accompany M to her playgroup and music classes. We attend these classes three times a week. I’ve seen kids whose mums are pregnant and it’s just not ideal. And when these mums give birth, another caregiver will need to takeover. I rather not let that happen to M. Hence, 2009 is out.

2010 seems like a good year except that it will be the year of the tiger. I’m usually not the superstitious type, but I can’t help being concerned about a tiger baby in our family, which consists of a rabbit, a goat and a pig. Will we be able to maintain our harmony? I’m not sure. Plus common folklore tells us that the year of the tiger is generally not a good year to have kids.

So it’s back to the drawing board and I wonder what other excuses I can come up with…

I was surprised that infant formula contains palm oil. I realised this from a book (I didn’t take down its title and author) which also mentioned that the oil often reacted with the added calcium to form hard stools, causing many formula-fed babies to suffer constipation. Studies also suggest that it affects calcium and fat absorption in babies.

I always thought of palm oil as a lower-grade oil and never expect it to be suitable for our precious little ones. But it seems I was wrong. Apparently, its composition of fatty acids is similar to that in breast milk and hence it’s commonly used in infant formula.

I also learned from the book that the formula milk which some infants rely on solely in their first few months is a highly processed product and nothing like cow’s milk (which is not recommended for children below one year old). The fat from cow’s milk is removed and various types of vegetable oils and a family of vitamins & minerals are added during processing.

Doesn’t it seem like our babies are drinking a super multi-vitamin drink? I though so…

To satisfy my curiosity. I did a quick check on the types of vegetable oils used in common formula brands. Here’s what I found from their ingredients list behind their tins:

Abbott (Similac) – High Oleic Sunflower Oil, Coconut Oil, Soy Oil

Mead Johnson (Enfalac) – Palm Olein Oil, Coconut Oil, Soy Oil, Vegetable Oil

Wyeth (S26) – Palm Oil, Coconut Oil, Oleic (Safflower and Sunflower) Oil, Soybean Oil

Nestle (Nan HA and Pro), Dumex (Mamex Gold) and Frieslandfoods (Friso) provided no details of the type of vegetable oils they used in their formula milk.

M had breast milk for close to six months and the first formula we gave her was Enfalac. We expected her stools to get harder as she transitioned from breast to formula milk. But when she was on Enfalac fully, she began to display difficulty passing motion. That’s when we tried Similac and true to its promise, her stools became softer. We’ve now moved on to Gain IQ and still happy with it.